Emotional preperations

From the day I booked and purchased my flight tickets, accommodation and car rental, I have lived with my upcoming trip pretty much 24/7. I dream during nights, sometimes I have nightmares when I wake up sweaty and crying because it just got too real, I read up on news, I follow organisations and groups on Facebook and I never miss anything. 

Earlier I have been a bit jealous of people who seem to be so dedicated to something that they live their lives for this dedication and passion. Like Steve, "the crocodile hunter" who with such passion talked about animals, small and big. Or every person who decides to climb the highest mountain in the world. Or journalists and photographers in war whose only wish is to tell the world the truth. Or "the Grizzly Man" who loved his bears so much that he ultimately was killed by one.

I am not sure, but I think I have found something close to this. I can't describe it other than in words like "a deep and honest feeling that I can and want to help people in need". To travel to Lesvos is a huge step that I know will change me as a human being forever. Hopefully to the better.


I think I am a person who seeks "kicks". Not the kick of jumping from cliffs, parachute or off-pist skiing. I seek emotional kicks. Kicks that wake me up in order to feel that I am still a compassionate and empathic human being. Kicks that I can use to challenge my own values and ideas of the world.

This means that I look for emotional challenges. I watch videos, read reports in real-time and I often end up in tears. I am an emotional guy and I am not ashamed of being one. Instead I think that by being emotional I have finally found a purpose with my life - to help others. Since I am a teacher I have also learnt that this also includes my students.

But here I am. Two weeks from departure and what will be the most important week in my life, a week that will define the future course my life will take. I know in fact that this week will be nothing like a holiday on this beautiful island. It will be a week of kicks. Of perspective. Of tears. Of emotions.

I am not afraid of being emotional or feeling sad or even heartbroken. This simply means that I still feel, that I still am human and that I still have a heart.